第70页
while all sorts of doubts and fears are troubling my thoughts.
It is a very strange sensation to inexperienced youth to feel
itself quite alone in the world, cut adrift from every connection,
uncertain whether the port to which it is bound can be reached, and
prevented by many impediments from returning to that it has quitted.
The charm of adventure sweetens that sensation, the glow of pride
warms it; but then the throb of fear disturbs it; and fear with me
became predominant when half an hour elapsed and still I was alone.
I bethought myself to ring the bell.
'Is there a place in this neighbourhood called Thornfield?' I asked
of the waiter who answered the summons.
'Thornfield? I don't know, ma'am; I'll inquire at the bar.' He
vanished, but reappeared instantly-
'Is your name Eyre, Miss?'
'Yes.'
'Person here waiting for you.'
I jumped up, took my muff and umbrella, and hastened into the
inn-passage: a man was standing by the open door, and in the
lamp-lit street I dimly saw a one-horse conveyance.
'This will be your luggage, I suppose?' said the man rather
abruptly when he saw me, pointing to my trunk in the passage.
'Yes.' He hoisted it on to the vehicle, which was a sort of car,
and then I got in; before he shut me up, I asked him how far it was to
Thornfield.
'A matter of six miles.'
'How long shall we be before we get there?'
'Happen an hour and a half.'
He fastened the car door, climbed to his own seat outside, and we
set off. Our progress was leisurely, and gave me ample time to
reflect; I was content to be at length so near the end of my
journey; and as I leaned back in the comfortable though not elegant
conveyance, I meditated much at my ease.
'I suppose,' thought I, 'judging from the plainness of the
servant and carriage, Mrs. Fairfax is not a very dashing person: so
much the better; I never lived amongst fine people but once, and I was
very miserable with them. I wonder if she lives alone except this
little girl; if so, and if she is in any degree amiable, I shall
surely be able to get on with her; I will do my best; it is a pity
that doing one's best does not always answer. At Lowood, indeed, I
took that resolution, kept it, and succeeded in pleasing; but with
Mrs. Reed, I remember my best was always spurned with scorn. I pray
God Mrs. Fairfax may not turn out a second Mrs. Reed; but if she does,
I am not bound to stay with her! let the worst come to the worst, I
can advertise again. How far are we on our road now, I wonder?'
I let down the window and looked out; Millcote was behind us;
judging by the number of its lights, it seemed a place of considerable
magnitude, much larger than Lowton. We were now, as far as I could
see, on a sort of common; but there were houses scattered all over the
district; I felt we were in a different region to Lowood, more
populous, less picturesque; more stirring, less romantic.