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once like something mad, or like a fiend- no child ever spoke or
looked as she did; I was glad to get her away from the house. What did
they do with her at Lowood? The fever broke out there, and many of the
pupils died. She, however, did not die: but I said she did- I wish she
had died!'
'A strange wish, Mrs. Reed; why do you hate her so?'
'I had a dislike to her mother always; for she was my husband's
only sister, and a great favourite with him: he opposed the family's
disowning her when she made her low marriage; and when news came of
her death, he wept like a simpleton. He would send for the baby;
though I entreated him rather to put it out to nurse and pay for its
maintenance. I hated it the first time I set my eyes on it- a
sickly, whining, pining thing! It would wail in its cradle all night
long- not screaming heartily like any other child, but whimpering
and moaning. Reed pitied it; and he used to nurse it and notice it
as if it had been his own: more, indeed, than he ever noticed his
own at that age. He would try to make my children friendly to the
little beggar: the darlings could not bear it, and he was angry with
them when they showed their dislike. In his last illness, he had it
brought continually to his bedside; and but an hour before he died, he
bound me by vow to keep the creature. I would as soon have been
charged with a pauper brat out of a workhouse: but he was weak,
naturally weak. John does not at all resemble his father, and I am
glad of it: John is like me and like my brothers- he is quite a
Gibson. Oh, I wish he would cease tormenting me with letters for
money! I have no more money to give him: we are getting poor. I must
send away half the servants and shut up part of the house; or let it
off. I can never submit to do that- yet how are we to get on?
Two-thirds of my income goes in paying the interest of mortgages. John
gambles dreadfully, and always loses- poor boy! He is beset by
sharpers: John is sunk and degraded- his look is frightful- I feel
ashamed for him when I see him.'
She was getting much excited. 'I think I had better leave her now,'
said I to Bessie, who stood on the other side of the bed.
'Perhaps you had, Miss: but she often talks in this way towards
night- in the morning she is calmer.'
I rose. 'Stop!' exclaimed Mrs. Reed, 'there is another thing I
wished to say. He threatens me- he continually threatens me with his
own death, or mine: and I dream sometimes that I see him laid out with
a great wound in his throat, or with a swollen and blackened face. I
am come to a strange pass: I have heavy troubles. What is to be
done? How is the money to be had?'
Bessie now endeavoured to persuade her to take a sedative
draught: she succeeded with difficulty. Soon after, Mrs. Reed grew
more composed, and sank into a dozing state. I then left her.
More than ten days elapsed before I had again any conversation with