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'What do you mean?'
'It would be fruitless to attempt to explain; but there is a
point on which I have long endured painful doubt, and I can go nowhere
till by some means that doubt is removed.'
'I know where your heart turns and to what it clings. The
interest you cherish is lawless and unconsecrated. Long since you
ought to have crushed it: now you should blush to allude to it. You
think of Mr. Rochester?'
It was true. I confessed it by silence.
'Are you going to seek Mr. Rochester?'
'I must find out what is become of him.'
'It remains for me, then,' he said, 'to remember you in my prayers,
and to entreat God for you, in all earnestness, that you may not
indeed become a castaway. I had thought I recognised in you one of the
chosen. But God sees not as man sees: His will be done.'
He opened the gate, passed through it, and strayed away down the
glen. He was soon out of sight.
On re-entering the parlour, I found Diana standing at the window,
looking very thoughtful. Diana was a great deal taller than I:. she
put her hand on my shoulder, and, stooping, examined my face.
'Jane,' she said, 'you are always agitated and pale now. I am
sure there is something the matter. Tell me what business St. John and
you have on hands. I have watched you this half hour from the
window; you must forgive my being such a spy, but for a long time I
have fancied I hardly know what. St. John is a strange being-'
She paused- I did not speak: soon she resumed-
'That brother of mine cherishes peculiar views of some sort
respecting you, I am sure: he has long distinguished you by a notice
and interest he never showed to any one else- to what end? I wish he
loved you- does he, Jane?'
I put her cool hand to my hot forehead; 'No, Die, not one whit.'
'Then why does he follow you so with his eyes, and get you so
frequently alone with him, and keep you so continually at his side?
Mary and I had both concluded he wished you to marry him.'
'He does- he has asked me to be his wife.'
Diana clapped her hands. 'That is just what we hoped and thought!
And you will marry him, Jane, won't you? And then he will stay in
England.'
'Far from that, Diana; his sole idea in proposing to me is to
procure a fitting fellow-labourer in his Indian toils.'
'What! He wishes you to go to India?'
'Yes.'
'Madness!' she exclaimed. 'You would not live three months there, I
am certain. You never shall go: you have not consented, have you,
Jane?'
'I have refused to marry him-'
'And have consequently displeased him?' she suggested.
'Deeply: he will never forgive me, I fear: yet I offered to
accompany him as his sister.'
'It was frantic folly to do so, Jane. Think of the task you
undertook- one of incessant fatigue, where fatigue kills even the
strong, and you are weak. St. John- you know him- would urge you to
impossibilities: with him there would be no permission to rest