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thinking of you.'
But what is so headstrong as youth? What so blind as
inexperience? These affirmed that it was pleasure enough to have the
privilege of again looking on Mr. Rochester, whether he looked on me
or not; and they added- 'Hasten! hasten! be with him while you may:
but a few more days or weeks, at most, and you are parted from him for
ever!' And then I strangled a new-born agony- a deformed thing which I
could not persuade myself to own and rear- and ran on.
They are making hay, too, in Thornfield meadows: or rather, the
labourers are just quitting their work, and returning home with
their rakes on their shoulders, now, at the hour I arrive. I have
but a field or two to traverse, and then I shall cross the road and
reach the gates. How full the hedges are of roses! But I have no
time to gather any; I want to be at the house. I passed a tall
briar, shooting leafy and flowery branches across the path; I see
the narrow stile with stone steps; and I see- Mr. Rochester sitting
there, a book and a pencil in his hand; he is writing.
Well, he is not a ghost; yet every nerve I have is unstrung: for
a moment I am beyond my own mastery. What does it mean? I did not
think I should tremble in this way when I saw him, or lose my voice or
the power of motion in his presence. I will go back as soon as I can
stir: I need not make an absolute fool of myself. I know another way
to the house. It does not signify if I knew twenty ways; for he has
seen me.
'Hillo!' he cries; and he puts up his book and his pencil. 'There
you are! Come on, if you please.'
I suppose I do come on; though in what fashion I know not; being
scarcely cognisant of my movements, and solicitous only to appear
calm; and, above all, to control the working muscles of my face- which
I feel rebel insolently against my will, and struggle to express
what I had resolved to conceal. But I have a veil- it is down: I may
make shift yet to behave with decent composure.
'And this is Jane Eyre? Are you coming from Millcote, and on
foot? Yes- just one of your tricks: not to send for a carriage, and
come clattering over street and road like a common mortal, but to
steal into the vicinage of your home along with twilight, just as if
you were a dream or a shade. What the deuce have you done with
yourself this last month?'
'I have been with my aunt, sir, who is dead.'
'A true Janian reply! Good angels be my guard. She comes from the
other world- from the abode of people who are dead; and tells me so
when she meets me alone here in the gloaming! If I dared, I'd touch
you, to see if you are substance or shadow, you elf!- but I'd as
soon offer to take hold of a blue ignis fatuus light in a marsh.
Truant! truant!' he added, when he had paused an instant. 'Absent from
me a whole month, and forgetting me quite, I'll be sworn!'
I knew there would be pleasure in meeting my master again, even