更勇敢也更聪明:从盲目到洞见
为了更好地了解每个人是如何实现从自我蒙蔽到自我洞察这一飞跃的,我们得回到史蒂夫先生的故事上来。随着了解的深入,很明显我前面所描述的盲点是真实存在的。所以说“史蒂夫病”实际上是三大盲点共同作用的结果,也就解释得通了。史蒂夫对自己的领导才能存在认知盲点,导致他极度自信。而他的情感盲点使他依赖情感而非理性做出决定。同时,他完全无视下属如何看待他这一问题。
面对如此强大的阻力,我意识到史蒂夫会是我职业生涯中遇到的最大挑战之一,尽管我并不是第一次面对他这样的客户。毕竟,我工作的核心内容就是把真相告诉那些高级主管,而这件事是别人不敢或不知如何去做的。(我可以很自豪地说,自己仅为此被解雇过一次。)在不断实践的过程中,我发现一旦付出努力,自欺欺人之心通常是可以克服的,就连最容易对周围视而不见的人也会学着睁开双眼,有时候他们只是需要别人推一把。
在史蒂夫的事例中,我便是那个推手,而且这注定是不同寻常的助推。但在开始应对史蒂夫的抵触之前,我首先得解决他故意不让我插话这个问题。我当时决定,有必要采取一种更直接的方式了。当时史蒂夫喋喋不休地讲话,毫无暂停的意思,我紧盯着他,直到他终于停下来。“史蒂夫,”我开口说,“你说得太离谱了,你的团队很讨厌你。”他看上去极为震惊,那种震惊的表情不亚于他看到我站到椅子上,声称自己是他失散多年的女儿。他瞟了一眼我手中的文件夹,问道:“他们都说了我什么?”我只好一五一十地告诉了他。史蒂夫的团队之前提醒过我他脾气火爆,因此我做好了面对一切的准备:他可能提高音量,紧咬牙关,凶神恶煞地盯着我,脖子上青筋暴起。此时,桌子后面的他,脸已经涨得通红。
“他们怎么能这么说我?他们怎么能说我对他们大吼大叫?!”
然后,他好像意识到了自己的自欺欺人,瘫在椅子上,双眼盯着窗外足足一分钟。上次他沉默不语,是想表明自己的气场完全在我之上。但这次沉默的性质完全不同。他将椅子转向我,可以看得出是在故作镇定,“那么,”他终于开口了,“过去4个月或许20年,我一直都是这样的,却没有一个人告诉我。”的确,他没有选择面对残酷的现实,而是选择了一条幸福的无知之路,这条道路当下可以让人过得更轻松,但长远来看却是灾难性的。这便是幸福的无知的问题所在:起初一切都没问题……直到一切都成了问题。
许多人都经历过类似“回到耶稣怀抱”的时刻,警钟事件让我们看到令人不悦的事实,即别人眼中的自己和我们眼中的自己是不同的。这些时刻的出现通常毫无征兆,严重影响我们的自信、成功以及幸福。但如果我们能够依靠自己早些发现真实的自我呢?如果我们能在自己的人际关系受损、职业生涯受到影响之前看清自己的行为呢?如果我们能以一种积极的心态和自我接纳的态度,来发现真实的自己呢?如果我们能学着更勇敢也更聪明一些呢?如果这些假设都成真了,情况又会怎样呢?
希腊神话中伊卡洛斯的故事就是一个恰当的暗喻。伊卡洛斯努力想要逃离克里特岛,便戴上父亲代达罗斯用蜡和羽毛做成的羽翼。代达罗斯警告伊卡洛斯不能飞得太高,也不能太低:太低意味着海水会沾湿羽毛,增加负重;太高意味着太阳会让蜡融化。但伊卡洛斯不听父亲的教导,决定往高处飞。羽翼上的蜡被太阳融化,伊卡洛斯从高空坠落,丢了性命。
说到看待自己的方式,我们必须勇敢地张开羽翼,但也要足够聪明,不要飞太高,以免盲点让我们直接飞向太阳。当我们了解到真相时,它可能出乎意料,可能令人恐惧,甚至可能令人满足,但不管怎样,真相给予了我们进步的力量。
这便是我要帮史蒂夫搞清楚的事情,我知道我们的工作已经打开局面了。我和他用了几个小时回顾了关于他的反馈。起初,他有些抗拒,找各种借口来反驳这些批评。但值得表扬的是,他慢慢地接受了这些批评。第一次谈话结束前,我看到了他新的一面。“我从来没有质疑过自己的领导方法,反正好多年都没这样做过。为什么要质疑呢?一切都是那么顺利。但最近这几个月,我总觉得有什么不对劲。我不知道到底什么不对劲,结果总是和我预想的不一样,最糟糕的是,这种不对劲的状态一直和我形影不离。”他苦笑着说道。
“好消息是,这些问题完全是可以处理好的,”我告诉他,“而且你已经迈出了关键一步。”
“真的吗?我做了什么?”他疲惫地问。
我咧嘴笑了笑:“你刚刚接受了现实。”
的确,努力了解和接受现实,是具备自我意识的人区别于不具备自我意识之人最重要的特质。自我意识会激发人们努力克服盲点,认识真实的自己。通过证实设想、不断学习和寻求反馈,人们是有可能逾越通往洞察力的许多障碍的。想要一下子看清或清除所有盲点是不切实际的,但我们可以收集数据,收集那些有助于我们更加清楚地认识自己、了解自身行为所产生的影响的数据。
第一步,确定我们的假设。这听上去可能是一件容易的事,但不幸的是,我们极少去质疑关于自我和周围世界的假设,对那些雄心勃勃的成功人士来说,尤其如此。我曾经参与一个为期一周的执行战略项目,目睹了一个真实的例子。项目开始的第二天清晨,项目参与者来到培训室,发现每张桌子上都有一个塑料包装的小拼图。当我们告诉他们需要花5分钟拼好这块拼图时,很多权力在握的人对如此愚蠢的活动嗤之以鼻,觉得我们浪费了他们宝贵的时间。但是他们还是迁就了我们,拆开塑料密封袋,把拼图倒在了桌子上,正面朝上(或者说,是他们认为的正面朝上)。几分钟后,他们仅仅完成了整个拼图的80%,焦虑不安,因为拼来拼去少了一个词——puzzlement(谜)。就在快到5分钟时,一个人——请注意,几乎毫无例外,在大约20名高级主管中只有一位——意识到只有把那些蓝色的拼图块“倒过来”,整块拼图才会完整。
在日常生活中,我们甚至很少想问自己,是否应该把众所周知的任意一块拼图翻过来。哈佛大学心理学家克里斯·阿吉里斯在《提升领导效能》(Increasing Leadership Effectiveness)中解释道,当事情没有按照我们希望或预想的方式发展时,我们通常会假设原因存在于周围环境。[53]当然,拼图工厂难免会出现纰漏或者在运送途中丢失了某些拼图块,这都有可能发生。而我们极少会注意自己的想法和行为。阿吉里斯和同事唐纳德·舍恩一起将这种思维模式命名为单环学习模式,在这种模式中,我们找不到对自己和这个世界的基本假设的资料。
相反,双环学习的过程则涉及自身价值及多种假设的问题,更重要的是,也会邀请他人也这样做。在与这些高管共事的过程中,阿吉里斯发现双环学习对那些成功人士来说尤其困难,他们习惯于“创造,产出和实现”,毕竟,他们当前的设想已经实现了一部分,因此他们一定做对了一些事情。但他们意识不到的是,把那些众所周知的一块块拼图翻过来对自己持续取得成功有多么重要。
怎样才能学会这一点呢?一个方法便是,养成将从前的预测与真实结果做对比的习惯。著名管理学教授彼得·德鲁克提出了一个简单实用的方法[54],这一方法他自己用了20多年。每次要做重要决定时,他都会写下来自己希望发生什么事。然后,一旦结果并不如意,他便会把真实的情况与自己当初的预想进行一番比较。
要是你想立即确认自己的假设,而不是事后再确认,要怎么办呢?决策心理学家加里·克莱因提供了另一种方法,他提议做一件他称为“预验”的事情,方法就是问下列问题:“假设我们还有一年就跨入未来,我们已经执行的计划至今仍在发挥作用,结果却导致一场灾难,现在简要写下这场灾难的来龙去脉。”这一过程很可能会以一种我们极少想到的方式揭露一些潜在的陷阱。同样的方法也适用于制定大多数重要决策,比如搬到一座新城市、接受一份新工作、决定与恋人安定下来。(顺便说一句,在附录G中你会发现一些问题,这些问题会帮助你发现自己的假设,发现你对自我是否存在美国前防长唐纳德·拉姆斯菲尔德所称的“未知的未知”。)
要想将盲点数量降至最少,第二个方法就是坚持学习,尤其在那些我们自以为已经很熟悉的领域。在1999年那次具有里程碑意义的研究中,杜宁和克鲁格发现,当过于自信而表现糟糕的员工[55]接受训练来提升自己的业务水平时,他们不仅取得了进步,也意识到了之前自己确实效率低下。自以为知道得越多,就越需要学习,这是逐步突破认知盲点、提升效率的有效方法。
最后,我们应该寻求他人对我们的能力和行为的反馈。到目前为止,我们讨论过的所有方法中,客观反馈是最有可能帮助我们看清和克服三大盲点的。为什么?后面我们将会提到,旁观者清。就这一点而言,我们身边要有讲真话的人,不管是在职场还是在家里。我们需要同事、恋人和朋友在自己过度自信时,(满怀温情地)杀一杀我们的威风。在“有趣但准确的观察”分类研究中[56],斯坦福大学的研究学者哈亚格里瓦·拉奥教授认为,孩子处于青春期的领导者们正因为这个原因,才不大可能过度自信。任何一个与青少年相处的人都知道,青春期的孩子永远不会被你打动,总会毫不犹豫地对你说你有多差劲。(确实,身边有与自己意见相左的人,是成功领导他人最重要的因素之一。出色的领导者身边有把他们点醒的人[57],失败的领导者身边则几乎从来没有这样的人。)
寻求反馈可能是最让人恐惧的事情了,这一点我无比赞同。但相信我,由此获得的洞察力会让你觉得一切都值得。问问史蒂夫,你就会明白了。我们初次谈话结束时,史蒂夫做了一个决定,他望着我的眼睛,勇敢地宣布:“我讨厌这样的信息,但我接受现实。希望你帮我,我要把问题搞清楚。”这是史蒂夫沿着正确方向迈出的又一大步。
此时,史蒂夫愿意做出不同的选择,但仍然需要培养这项技能。因此,在接下来几个月,我让他分享自己的想法,了解自己对团队的影响,向那些对自己说真话的人寻求反馈。我们初次谈话后大概一个月,在一次指导课程上,史蒂夫仍然很纠结,不明白为什么大家都觉得他脾气火爆。于是我尝试了不同的方法,问道:“上次谈话我把团队的反馈告诉你时,你明白当时自己是什么反应吗?”“当然。”他回答道。“我觉得你不明白。”说完,我尽可能还原了他当时的神情——凶神恶煞地盯着他,抬高嗓门——这样他就能看到自己当时的行为是多么充满敌意。“我觉得自己并非总是如此,”他说,“但我很确定,我一直对自己的家人很凶,就像对我的团队一样。”现在,史蒂夫对自己的行为如何影响他人有了更清楚的了解,他可以开始尝试一种不同的、更有效的方法了。
这一过程持续了数月。与所有承担此类任务的人一样,史蒂夫也遇到了许多挫折,但还是不断取得进步。在接下来的几个月里,他的效率提高了,他也感受到从未有过的自信。他的团队也开始注意到他有些不一样了,他的家人也是。他们都开始谈论这个他们称为“新史蒂夫”的优秀的人。史蒂夫的团队当年正赶上积极的商业计划,要么就是公司的首席执行官开始相信他的能力和决策,这两件事的发生都绝非巧合。
史蒂夫的故事说明两点:第一,直面真实的自己是多么艰难;第二,直面真实的自己毫无疑问是非常值得的。要做出指引生活的选择,真相就是力量,不管真相是我们听到的音乐,还是指甲划过黑板时的噪音。正如美籍比丘尼佩玛·丘卓所言,“我们能对自己做出的最根本……伤害就是保持无知,没有勇气和尊严温柔真诚地看待自己”。幸运的是,自我意识独角兽和其他人的差别,与天生的能力关系不大,而是与个人的意图和坚守有更大的关联。在本书后面的几个章节中,我们会谈及更多方法,以帮助人们找到能够真实看待自己的勇气和尊严。这样做,我们在事业上会更成功,在人际交往上会赢得更多人的尊重,在生活中会更满足。但在此之前,了解和排除第二大阻碍因素(我称其为“自我崇拜”)至关重要。
[1] “almost unlimited ability”:Daniel Kahneman. Thinking, Fast and Slow. Macmillan, 2011, p. 201.
[2] we’re smarter:Linda A. Schoo, et al. “Insight in cognition: Self awareness of performance across cognitive domains.”Applied Neuropsy chology: Adult20.2 (2013): 95– 102.
[3] funnier: Justin Kruger and David Dunning. “Unskilled and unaware of it: How difficulties in recognizing one’s own incompetence lead to inflated self- assessments.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 77.6 (1999): 1121–1134.
[4] thinner: Pew Research Center. “Americans see weight problems everywhere but in the mirror,” pewsocialtrends.org, April 11, 2006, http:// pewsocialtrends.org/2006/04/11/americans- see- weight- problemseverywhere- but- in- the- mirror/.
[5] better- looking: Nicholas Epley and Erin Whitchurch. “Mirror, mirror on the wall: Enhancement in self- recognition.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 34.9 (2008): 1159– 1170.
[6] more socially skilled: Paul A. Mabe and Stephen G. West. “Validity of self- evaluation of ability: A review and meta- analysis.” Journal of Applied Psychology 67.3 (1982): 180–196.
[7] more gifted at sports: Richard B. Felson. “Self- and reflected appraisal among football players: A test of the Meadian hypothesis.” Social Psychology Quarterly (1981): 116– 126.
[8] superior students: Paul A. Mabe and Stephen G. West. “Validity of selfevaluation of ability: A review and meta- analysis.” Journal of Applied Psychology 67.3 (1982): 180–196.
[9] better drivers: Half of drivers believe themselves to be in the top 20 percent of driving ability, and 92 percent believe they’re safer than the average driver! Ola Svenson. “Are we all less risky and more skillful than our fellow drivers?” Acta Psychologica 47.2 (1981): 143– 148.
[10] almost no relationship: Paul A. Mabe and Stephen G. West. “Validity of self- evaluation of ability: A review and meta- analysis.” Journal of Applied Psychology 67.3 (1982): 180–196.
[11] nearly 1,000 engineers: Todd R. Zenger. “Why do employers only reward extreme performance? Examining the relationships among performance, pay, and turnover.” Administrative Science Quarterly (1992): 198– 219.
[12] 94 percent of college: K. Patricia Cross. “Not can but will college teaching be improved?” New Directions for Higher Education, 17, (1977): 1– 15.
[13] surgical residents’ self- rated: D. A. Risucci, A. J. Tortolani, and R. J. Ward. “Ratings of surgical residents by self, supervisors and peers.” Surgery, Gynecology & Obstetrics 169.6 (1989): 519– 526.
[14] employees who lack self- awareness: Erich C. Dierdorff and Robert S. Rubin. “Research: We’re not very self- aware, especially at work,” Harvard Business Review, March 12, 2015, https://hbr.org/2015/03/research- werenot- very- self- aware- especially- at- work.
[15] those with poor financial: “Study shows link between self- awareness and company financial performance,” Korn Ferry Institute, June 15, 2015, http://kornferry/press/korn- ferry- institute- study- shows- linkbetween- self- awareness- and- company- financial- performance/.
[16] more likely to derail: PDI Ninth House. “You’re not all that: Selfpromoters six times more likely to derail,” prnewswire, April 17, 2012, http://prnewswire/news- releases/youre- not- all- that- selfpromoters- six- times- more- likely- to- derail- according- to- pdi- ninth- houseand- university- of- minnesota- study- 147742375.html.
[17] underestimate their top performers’: David Dunning. “On identifying human capital: Flawed knowledge leads to faulty judgments of expertise by individuals and groups.” Advances in Group Processes. Emerald Group Publishing Limited, 2015, pp. 149– 176.
[18] Early successes give way: Ulrike Malmendier and Geoffrey Tate. “CEO overconfidence and corporate investment.” Journal of Finance 60.6 (2005): 2661– 2700.
[19] executives more dramatically overvalue: Fabio Sala. “Executive blind spots: Discrepancies between self- and other- ratings.” Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research 55.4 (2003): 222–229.
[20] experienced leaders: Cheri Ostroff, Leanne E. Atwater, and Barbara J. Fein-berg. “Understanding self-other agreement: A look at rater and ratee characteristics, context, and outcomes.” Personnel Psychology 57.2 (2004): 333– 375.
[21] older managers tend: John W. Fleenor, et al. “Self- other rating agreement in leadership: A review.” The Leadership Quarterly 21.6 (2010): 1005– 1034.
[22] 调查显示,通常我们在25~35岁时的自我评估会更准确,但在35~45岁时准确度会逐渐下降。令人震惊的是,与主修物理科学、社会科学和人文学科专业的学生相比,商科专业学生在自我评估上过于自信,与自己的实际绩效大不相符。(business students, compared: Phillip L. Ackerman, Margaret E. Beier, and Kristy R. Bowen. “What we really know about our abilities and our knowledge.” Personality and Individual Differences 33 (2002): 587– 605.)
[23] aren’t reliable mechanisms:Margaret Diddams and Glenna C. Chang.“Only human: Exploring the nature of weakness in authentic leadership.”The Leadership Quarterly23.3 (2012): 593– 603.
[24] “walls, mirrors and liars”:Alison Boulton. “Power corrupts but it also plays with your mind: Lloyd George, Chamberlain, and Thatcher all suffered from ‘hubris syndrome,’”independent.co.uk, September 21, 2013,http://independent.co.uk/life- style/health- and- families/healthnews/power- corrupts- but- it- also- plays- with- your- mind- lloyd- georgechamberlain- and- thatcher- all- suffered- 8831839.html.
[25] no one lets their packages:Rachel M. Hayes and Scott Schaefer. “CEO pay and the Lake Wobegon effect.”Journal of Financial Economics94.2(2009): 280– 290.
[26] emotionally distant personal:Per F. Gjerde, Miyoko Onishi, and Kevin S. Carlson. “Personality characteristics associated with romantic attachment: A comparison of interview and self- report methodologies.”Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin30.11 (2004): 1402– 1415.
[27] overestimate the number of words: Gary Wolf. “The data- driven life,” The New York Times Magazine, April 28, 2010, http://nytimes /2010/05/02/magazine/02self- measurement- t.html?_r=0.
[28] great financial management Greenwald & Associates, Inc. Parents, youth,and money: Executive summary. 2001, https://ebri.org/surveys/pym- es.pdf.
[29] Two percent:College Board. Student descriptive questionnaire.Princeton, NJ: Educational Testing Service. 1976– 1977.
[30] whopping 38 out of 40:Mark D. Alicke, et al. “Personal contact, individuation, and the better- than- average effect.”Journal of Personality and Social Psychology68.5 (1995): 804–825.
[31] leastcompetent people:Justin Kruger and David Dunning. “Unskilled and unaware of it: How difficulties in recognizing one’s own incomptence lead to inflated self assessments.”Journal of Personality and Social Psychology77.6 (1999): 1121–1134.
[32] skills like driving: E. Kunkel. “On the relationship between estimate o ability and driver qualification.” Psychologie und Praxis (1971).
[33] academic performance: Beth A. Lindsey and Megan L. Nagel. “Do students know what they know? Exploring the accuracy of students’ self-assessments.” Physical Review Special Topics — Physics Education Research 11.2 (2015): 020103; Douglas J. Hacker, et al. “Test prediction and performance in a classroom context.” Journal of Educational Psychology 92.1 (2000): 160–170.
[34] job performance: Daniel E. Haun, et al. “Assessing the competence of specimen- processing personnel.” Laboratory Medicine 31.11 (2000): 633– 637.
[35] incentivized to be accurate: Joyce Ehrlinger, et al. “Why the unskilled are unaware: Further explorations of (absent) self- insight among the incompetent.” Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes 105.1 (2008): 98– 121.
[36] “blessed with inappropriate confidence”: David Dunning. “We are all confident idiots,” psmag, October 27, 2014, http://psmag/ health- and- behavior/confident- idiots- 92793.
[37] series of ingenious studies: Oliver J. Sheldon, David Dunning, and Daniel R. Ames. “Emotionally unskilled, unaware, and uninterested in learning more: Reactions to feedback about deficits in emotional intelligence.” Journal of Applied Psychology 99.1 (2014): 125–137.
[38] Our first awareness: Michael Lewis, et al. “Self development and selfconscious emotions.” Child Development (1989): 146– 156.
[39] despite repeated revelations: Susan Harter. The Construction of the Self: A Developmental Perspective. Guilford Press, 1999, p. 318.
[40] “What am I like”: Ibid.
[41] predictable progression toward: This finding is from our self- awareness research program. See also: Andreas Demetriou and Karin Bakracevic.“Reasoning and self- awareness from adolescence to middle age: Organization and development as a function of education.” Learning and Individual Differences 19.2 (2009): 181– 194.
[42] 为满足那些数据极客的心理,我们拿出了自己发现的数据,年龄与内在自我意识的相关性仅为0.16,而与外在自我意识的相关性为0.5。
[43] “they rated themselves”: Constantine Sedikides, et al. “Behind bars but above the bar: Prisoners consider themselves more prosocial than nonprisoners.” British Journal of Social Psychology 53.2 (2014): 396– 403, p. 400.
[44] “top- down thinking”: David Dunning, et al. “Why people fail to recognize their own incompetence.” Current Directions in Psychological Science 12.3 (2003): 83– 87.
[45] ESPN published the predictions: Ira Stoll. “How the experts struck out on World Series baseball,” nysun, October 28, 2013, http://www .nysun/national/how- the- experts- struck- out- on- world- series/88471/.
[46] experts are wrong: S. Atir, E. Rosenzweig, and D. Dunning. “When knowledge knows no bounds: self- perceived expertise predicts claims of impossible knowledge.” Psychological Science 26.8 (2015): 1295– 1303.
[47] important role of experience: Berndt Brehmer. “In one word: Not from experience.” Acta Psychologica 45.1 (1980): 223– 241.
[48] 在《思考,快与慢》一书中,丹尼尔·卡尼曼将这些过程分别称为“快思考”与“慢思考”。
[49] brains secretly and simplistically: Daniel Kahneman. Thinking, Fast and Slow. Macmillan, 2011, p. 99.
[50] To illustrate Emotion Blindness: Norbert Schwarz. “Stimmung als Information: Untersuchungen zum Einflufs von Stimmungen auf die Bewertung des eigenen Lebens” [Mood as information: The influence of moods and emotions on evaluative judgments]. Psychologische Rundschau 39 (1987): 148– 159.
[51] students were asked two questions: Fritz Strack, Leonard L. Martin, and Norbert Schwarz. “Priming and communication: Social determinants of information use in judgments of life satisfaction.” European Journal of Social Psychology 18.5 (1988): 429– 442.
[52] participants were given a series: Wilhelm Hofmann, Tobias Gschwendner, and Manfred Schmitt. “The road to the unconscious self not taken: Discrepancies between self- and observer-inferences about implicit dispositions from nonverbal behavioural cues.” European Journal of Personality 23.4 (2009): 343– 366.
[53] we typically assume: Chris Argyris. Teaching Smart People How to Learn. Harvard Business Review Press, 2008.
[54] simple, practical process: Peter F. Drucker. “Managing oneself.” Harvard Business Review 83.1 (2005): 100– 109.
[55] overconfident poor performers: Justin Kruger and David Dunning. “Unskilled and unaware of it: How difficulties in recognizing one’s own incompetence lead to inflated self- assessments.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 77.6 (1999): 1121. See also D. Ryvkin, M. Krajč, and A. Ortmann. “Are the unskilled doomed to remain unaware?” Journal of Economic Psychology 33.5 (2012): 1012– 1031.
[56] “amusing yet accurate”: Bob Sutton. “Great Piece on Narcissistic CEOs in The New York Times,” Work Matters blog, March 7, 2012, http://bob sutton.typepad/my_weblog/2012/03/great-piece-on-narcissistic-ceos -in-the-new-york-times.html.
[57] Great leaders have people: Thanks to my friends Mike Herron and Chuck Blakeman for